time after time
by thisisnotforyou
Summary: "if you're lost and you look, then you will find me."
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello all. This is my first contribution to the ever lovely Victorious fandom. So don't shoot. I really hope you enjoy because I sure am enjoying writing this. (:**

**THERE IS/WAS NO REX IN MY STORY. HE DOESN'T EXIST IN MY LITTLE FANTASY WORLD. KTHX.**

**Warnings: Sexual situations between two males. It's rated M for a reason, folks. **

**PS: I'm an inexperienced seventeen year old girl, so if my sex scenes are totally unrealistic, please tell me. Constructive criticism is always much appreciated!**

**PART ONE**

Freshmen Year

It all began with a game of Spin the Bottle, just an innocent party game. Every New Year's, Jade's parents threw a party and they let their daughter have a few friends over as well. So since Beck had been dating Jade since October, he made the cut. Jade begrudgingly let him bring Robbie, he had felt bad for his good friend; he was never invited to any parties.

The fifteen or so kids were all gathered in the Wests' gigantic basement, dancing to eighties dance music over the speaker system and smuggling bottles of alcohol from upstairs. It was only ten thirty, but most of them were buzzed. Except for Robbie. When Beck had asked his friend if he'd wanted any champagne, he'd declined. The boy just kept to himself, playing fooz-ball all by his lonesome.

When they had downed a whole bottle of wine, Jade's friend Cat asked, "Who wants to play that game with the bottle? You know the one where you kiss the person!" Cat hadn't been drunk; she was just naturally slow… Jade had once said she only kept Cat around because her stupidity was entertaining.

"You mean Spin the Bottle?" Jade scoffed.

Cat's face lit up, "Yeah, that one!"

Five of them sat crosslegged down behind one of the couches; Cat, Jade, Beck, Andre Harris, and this annoying older girl who'd been in plays with them, Trina Vega.

Beck looked up at Robbie, who suddenly became very interested in the miniature soccer playing men. "You gonna play, Rob?"

"Nah, I'm good."

Jade pulled Robbie down by the leg, so he was now a part of their circle. "Don't be a pussy. I let you come to my party, don't make me regret it."

Robbie rolled his eyes and settled himself down.

"I want to go first!" Trina slurped down the rest of her champagne and spun the bottle on the hardwood floor. The bottle landed on Andre. Trina slammed her glass down and pulled Andre towards her by the neck. Their lips met clumsily, and they both reeked of booze. After thirty seconds, Andre pushed Trina away, wiping off lipstick from his face. Trina adjusted her fallen bra strap and smiled at the rest of the group, "Next."

Cat was next, her spin landed on her best friend. Jade crossed her arms and huffed, "There is no fucking way that I am kissing you."

Cat's eyes got big, "What's that supposed to mean?" The redhead burst into tears and ran up the stairs.

Beck nudged his girlfriend, "Go see if she's okay."

Jade groaned, "But I don't want to-"

"Go!"

Reluctantly, Jade charged after her friend, leaving just four of them there.

"Robbie, your turn," Beck directed.

"Oh, oh yeah," Hands shaking, Robbie gave the bottle a twirl. It slowly came to a stop on Beck. Robbie's face turned as red as Cat's hair.

"Ooooooooooooooooh!" Trina and Andre giggled in unison.

Robbie did what he did best, ramble, "Do I really have to kiss you? I would definitely understand if you didn't want to kiss me because I don't even-"

Beck shut his friend up by pulling him towards him by the hair. Robbie's eyes went wide as lips touched and tongues met. They both melted into the kiss, too enthusiastically. Robbie looked down and noticed that Beck's jeans had gotten tighter. Beck noticed too and his face flushed. He got up and hurried off to the bathroom, hollering, "If **any **of you mention this to Jade, I will kick your ass."

Jade never found out.

Junior Year

At two in the morning, Robbie was awakened by the sounds of Modest Mouse, notifying that he had a new text message. It was from Beck:

I NEED U, DUDE. COME OVER ASAP.

Robbie sighed and got dressed. His place wasn't very far from Beck's, so it only took him five minutes to pull into the vacant side of Beck's driveway (his parents were almost never home). Beck came running out of his RV, tears staining his dark cheeks, "J-jade broke up with me," He ran a hand through his hair.

Robbie pouted, but on the inside he was jumping for joy. He hated Jade with a passion. Ever since he met her at the beginning of ninth grade, she had been nothing but a bitch to him. Beck deserved so much better than her. "I'm really sorry, Beck."

Beck paced back and forth, "That's not the only thing. She's been fucking other guys . I went to her house while she was fucking some guy from Northridge. And the bitch had the nerve to break up with me."

Robbie approached his friend, giving him an awkward rub on the back, "It'll all be okay." The stench of vodka covered Beck and his eyes were bloodshot.

Beck backed away from Robbie as if he were on fire, "No, it won't be. I love her so fucking much, Rob. I don't remember my life without her."

Robbie did, it was a happy time.

Beck was wasted, but he wasn't showing it, it was just something Robbie could tell. Robbie never knew what to do around drunk people and this time was no exception. Beck pulled out another bottle of vodka from his RV and started drinking straight from it.

Robbie pulled the bottle out of Beck's hands and smashed it onto the ground, "Whoops! I'm so clumsy…"

"What the fuck, dude! That was my last bottle!" Beck growled.

"Sorry man…" Robbie rubbed the back of his neck, trying to think of how to keep Beck sane. "Let's go swimming!" He ran to Beck's backyard, hoping his olive skinned friend would catch on and follow him.

Sure enough, Beck came hobbling along after Robbie. Robbie sat on the edge of Beck's large pool, letting his feet get soaked. The lights of the pool combined with the moonlight, making the moon reflect off of the surface of the pool. Robbie could see the Hollywood sign from Beck's backyard, and during night it was much more beautiful.

Beck came up behind Robbie, "It's gorgeous, isn't it?"

Robbie nodded.

"I really loved her, Robbie." Beck choked.

Robbie rolled his eyes. Why couldn't Beck see how evil she was? "Beck, there are so many other girls out there. Ones that are way better for you than Jade. She rea-" Before he could finish, Robbie felt a shove and suddenly everything was damp.

Shit, Beck's pool was fucking deep.

Robbie reached out in the blurred wetness for his glasses. Gasping for air, he struggled to put his glasses on as he spat at Beck, "What the hell was that for?"

Beck shrugged, "I don't know, you were rambling, I thought I'd shut you up."

Robbie reached over the edge of the pool and pulled Beck in by the leg with a splash. "Goddammit, Robbie," The other boy sent a wave of water his way.

Robbie couldn't help but chuckle, and put his back against the wall of the pool, nonchalantly, "The moon is so big tonight, I don't think I've ever seen it be this big. Well there was this one time and-"

Out of nowhere, Beck approached Robbie, slamming him against the tiled wall. Beck's soft lips collided with Robbie's chapped ones and Robbie suddenly was taken back to New Year's Eve. "You were rambling again," Beck whispered, his lips centimeters away from Robbie's ear. Their lips met again, this time Robbie allowed Beck's tongue to enter. Beck had Robbie pinned to the wall, and though both of their bodies were underwater, Robbie could feel Beck's erection pressing against his. Beck flipped Robbie over so that his back was against Beck's stomach.

It all happened so fast, their pants and underwear had both been discarded and Beck thrust himself of Robbie. It hurt, but Beck obviously knew what he was doing, unlike Robbie, who had thought up until this moment that he would be the ninety year old virgin. Neither of them had thought about protection, but it was too late, and Robbie really didn't give a fuck to be honest. After a while, Beck found a steady pace. _In, Out, In, Out, In, Out. _And once shifted to an angle, Robbie thought he was going to fucking lose it, he couldn't help it, and he came.Robbie didn't ever want Beck to stop though, because this felt so good, and so, so right. But alas, after an eternity of thrusting and heavy panting, Beck came, his fingernails digging deep into Robbie's scalp. He thrust his head back as he moaned, simultaneously turning Robbie on and making him want to punch Beck for finishing too quickly.

As the boys lifted themselves out of the pool, Beck chuckled at all of the milky white liquid mixed with the water.

They lay down on the cold stone, Beck's head on Robbie's wet chest. Robbie stroked the other boy's long, dark hair as they fell asleep underneath the moon.

In the morning, Robbie gently lifted Beck off of him and placed him on one of the pool lounges, kissing him as he left. Robbie didn't know about Beck, but the night prior had been the best night of Robbie's life.

Less than two weeks later, Jade and Beck were back together.

**A/N: Should I continue or not? Your feedback is much loved. (: Hugs and Kisses, Blue.**


	2. So Jealous

** Hey guys, me again. I forgot to mention in the last installment that I DO NOT OWN VICTORIOUS. If I did, Beck and Robbie would be going at it multiple times every episode. I am such a pervert.**

** Anyways, enjoy. REVIEWS/CRITICISM/COMMENTS ARE MUCH APPRECIATED. If you want to, you can email me at "adster sunflower . com" (w/o spaces) about anything, story related or not.\**

** I can't figure out how to divide the little sections within the chapters so everything doesn't look confusing, if you know how to, please help me out and tell me. (:**

** Warnings: Rated M for multiple reasons. **

** Junior Year**

When Jade and Beck got back together, Robbie's world fell apart. Though he'd never admit it to anyone, there had been a tiny, itty bitty piece of him that thought maybe that night had meant as much to Beck as it did to him. Ever since their encounter, that was all that Robbie had been able to think about. When he was in math, how perfect Beck fit into him occupied his thoughts. In science, it was Beck's body. At home, it was the fact that he had fucked his friend. Beck _fucking _Oliver had taken his virginity. Not many boys could say that.

And Beck acted like nothing had happened, that's what pissed Robbie off most of all. Robbie almost couldn't stand eating lunch with his friends anymore. But he had to, or the others would get suspicious and then Beck would get pissed and things would be even more fucked up than they already were.

"What's your problem, Shitpiro? You look even more retarded than usual," Jade laughed, her arms all over Beck.

Cat shot her a look, "Don't be so mean, Jade! Maybe he's going through menopause!"

Everybody at the table but Robbie and Cat burst out laughing.

Robbie rolled his eyes, "Stop guys, we all know that Cat's an idiot, it's nothing new."

Cat's eyes grew big and full of tears as she ran off.

Everybody looked expectantly at Jade, who in return sighed and went after her friend, cursing under her breath.

"Who pissed in your corn flakes this morning?" Beck laughed. As if he didn't know that this was all because of him.

That was the final straw, Robbie leapt over his lunch tray and tackled Beck, throwing them onto the concrete. Robbie's glasses fell to the ground, cracking but that was the last thing on his mind. Andre and Tori just stood there watching along with a small gathering crowd.

Robbie drew his arm back and with more strength than he had ever known that he had, his knuckle connected with Beck's jaw, drawing blood.

The crowd gasped as Tori pulled Robbie off of Beck.

Beck rubbed the blood off of his face as Tori screamed at Robbie, "Robbie! What was that for?"

"N-nothing, just nothing," Robbie scrambled up off of the floor, grabbing his backpack, and running as fast as his feet could take him off of the school grounds.

That night, while he was working on calculus homework and his parents were at book club, Beck came over.

Before Robbie could apologize or anything, Beck forcefully grabbed his cheeks with both hands, shoving his tongue down Robbie's throat. It was confusing and fucked up but it felt like heaven.

Ten minutes later, Beck was down on his knees (where if you asked Robbie, was where he belonged), sucking Robbie off. They hadn't spoken since Beck had arrived, but Robbie had guessed that his apology had been accepted.


	3. Summertime and the Living is Easy

** No I don't own Victorious and that's a good thing. Because if I did, it'd be on one of those skeevy Pay Per View Channels. **

** I need reviews to breathe, so keep me alive and REVIEW.**

** Oh, and by the way, I've changed the title from "voices carry" to "time after time", I think it's more fitting. Title is from the Cyndi Lauper song of the same name. **

** And if my OC is annoying/shittily developed, please don't hesitate to tell me. I don't plan on having her in the story for more than a couple more installments, so hopefully she isn't too awful.**

**Probs OOC but I really don't give a shit at this point. **

** Summer before Senior Year**

The summer before Robbie's last year of high school brought many things. The most confusing of them being a girl named Mona Cohen. He met her at the Jewish Youth Camp his parents made him go to every year, and it turned out Mona's parents forced her to go as well. She went to Northridge, but the only thing she had in common with the rest of the girls was that she was gorgeous. But unlike her peers, she was hilarious and sweet and perfect. And totally in love with Robbie. And of course it had to be the point in his life when he was questioning his sexuality more than ever. Though he found her older brother, Noah Cohen more attractive, when she asked him out at the end of camp, he said yes. He'd be a fool to say no to such an incredibly beautiful girl.

Robbie hadn't spoken to Beck since the end of the school year, they had fucked a couple of times since then, but neither of them said a word other than the occasional cry of passion. They had both been busy this summer, and that was okay with Robbie. He needed some time to think about everything.

He brought Mona to one of his groups' parties in mid-July at Cat's family's beach house. He went around the party throughout the night, introducing Mona to his friends, her arms wrapped around him constantly. When he introduced Mona to Beck, he could almost feel the coldness radiating from Beck.

"I've heard so much about you," Mona beamed as he shook Beck's limp hand.

"That's funny," Beck shot Robbie a look. "I've heard _nothing_ about you."

Mona giggled, her hand pressed on Robbie's chest, "You're even funnier than Rob described."

Beck clenched his fists. Nobody called Robbie "Rob" except for him. **Nobody. **Who the fuck did this girl think she was? But two could play at this game. "Oh really?" Did Robbie tell her that he'd fucked Beck in the ass? Did he tell her that he preferred being on top?

Beck didn't think so.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxX

When the sky grew darker and the waves crashed against the sand, the gang gathered up their alcohol and some firewood and made a bonfire on the shore.

Although his beautiful Northridge girlfriend was nestled in between his legs, Robbie couldn't help but glance frequently at Beck, whose arms were wrapped around Jade, whispering something in her ear, making her giggle. Forget about Mona, Beck was the most beautiful person at this party and he couldn't get that out of his head.

Beck caught him stealing a glance at him and winked, Robbie turned his head, blushing furiously.

xXxXxXxXxXxXxX

When everyone slowly started leaving in the wee hours of the morning, and Mona was off somewhere helping Cat clean up, Beck and Robbie were the only two left on the beach.

"How'd you land her?" Beck asked as they stared at the dark water.

Robbie shrugged, "I have no clue. She's perfect and I'm-"

"Gay," Beck finished for him, fishing a cigarette out of the pack in his pocket. He used a small flame from the dying fire to light it.

"Yeah," Robbie's voice was quiet. This was the first time he'd really said it aloud. But he had known that he was different since he was little.

"You don't deserve her," Beck didn't look at him.

Robbie countered, "Jade sure as hell doesn't deserve you."

Beck scoffed, a stream of smoke coming from his mouth, "What, and _you _do?"

Maybe it was just the tiny amount of alcohol he'd had, but Robbie replied, "Yeah, I think I do deserve to be with you."

"What do you take me for, a fag?" Beck spat, his words a little too close to home for Robbie.

But the alcohol kept taking over. It was funny how a little bit of booze could make even freaks like Robbie ballsy, "You sure suck dick like one"

Beck's face turned the same color of the flames coming out of the fire, looking like he was going to kill him when Robbie was conveniently saved by Mona.

Robbie breathed a sigh of relief, Mona's hand firmly clamped in his, "You ready to go?"

Mona yawned, she was so adorable. If Robbie weren't about 200% sure that he was gay, he would probably ended up marrying her.

"Yeah, I've got work tomorrow. It was nice meeting you," She smiled at Beck.

"You too," He replied, less than halfheartedly.

When Robbie was driving Mona home, the moon at its highest just like it was that night with Beck, he asked her if she'd had a good time.

"Yeah, it was really fun. Your friends are pretty cool."

"Oh yeah?"

"Tori and Andre were really nice, they totally kicked ass at karaoke. That Cat girl seems…a little special…"

Robbie was curious, "What about Beck or Jade?"

"Jade seems like a total bitch," Mona said frankly, making Robbie omit a chuckle, "She told me to fuck off when I introduced myself."

"That's Jade."

"And her boyfriend, Beck? He's beautiful, and he seems to know that."

She didn't even know the half of it.


	4. Back to Basics

**This installment is extra shitty with a side of badly written, just warning you. **

**Senior Year**

When senior rolled around, Robbie and Beck had every class together. Every. Single. Class. When Robbie had thought his luck couldn't get shittier, he was paired up with Beck for a nearly month long project in Honors English.

"Fuck," Robbie muttered under his breath. Beck turned in his seat and winked. He fucking winked again. What was with that boy and winking?

xXxXxXxXxXxX

A couple of days later, Beck went over to Robbie's so that they could touch base about their assignment. As soon as he walked in the door, Robbie's mom was all over him, "Oh my Goodness! We haven't seen you in ages, Beck! Look how big you've gotten!" She gushed.

Robbie came dashing down from upstairs, "It's only been a few months, mom." He rolled his eyes.

"But it seems like an eternity…" She hugged Beck so tightly, he thought that he was going to explode.

"I'd love to catch up, Mrs. S but Rob and I have some work to do."

"Oh,of course!" She let go of Beck, letting him follow Robbie upstairs, "I'll be in my office if you boys need anything!"

"Thanks mom," Robbie hollered down as he led Beck up to his attic bedroom. For his sixteenth birthday, his father and some of his friends renovated the attic so that Robbie could live in it. It was like an apartment almost, with a kitchenette and its own bathroom. Beck would kill for such a kickass room like that.

"So," Robbie shut the door behind Beck, his hands awkwardly in his pockets.

"This is awkward," Book looked at his shoes, which suddenly had become very interesting.

"Tell me about it," Robbie scoffed, tossing Beck a beer from the mini fridge.

Beck hesitantly took the beer, "Dude, it's Tuesday…and your mom's downstairs."

"So?" Robbie shrugged and took a gulp, slumping into the sofa.

Beck placed his beer on the coffee table, "You haven't been acting like yourself lately, Rob."

This made Robbie burst out laughing, "As if you know me at all."

"Dude, you're my best friend."

"Bullshit."

Beck threw his hands up, "What the fuck is your problem?"

"You," Robbie said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Up until that moment, it hadn't been. "You say you don't want to be with me, but you do shit like wink at me. Make up your fucking mind," A couch cushion flew past Beck's head.

"What's wrong with what we had before?"

"We both have our separate relationships. You love Jade and I…don't want to hurt Mona. I can't be your fuck buddy, Beck. As much as I fucking want to, I can't. It isn't right."

'But it _feels_ right,' Beck thought. His thoughts were starting to sound like they were out of a supermarket romance novel. "Yeah."

Robbie ran a hand through his curly hair, Beck yearned to do the same, "Sorry, Beck."

"Can we at least still make out?" Beck asked, only half joking.

A partial smile formed on Robbie's face, "You wish, now about that English project…"


	5. Lessons Learned

**The quality of my writing is just as shitty as ever. You have been warned. **

**Warning: Male on male situations. If you didn't expect that then you shouldn't have been looking at stories under this pairing. **

**I DON'T OWN VICTORIOUS. If I did, it'd be on PornHub or whatever that one porn site is. (Like I know anything about those…)**

** SENIOR YEAR**

They decided on doing a project on _The Cather in the Rye._ They met up nearly every day after school so that they could discuss the novel.

"This Holden Caulfield kid sounds like he'd be a great lay," Beck said one afternoon, hanging upside down on Robbie's couch.

"He's a fictional character, Beck," Robbie sat next to him on the couch, not looking up from his novel.

Beck swung his legs over the top of the couch, "So? I bet he'd be good, probably a hell of a lot kinkier than Jade. You would think that from how she comes off that she'd be the wildest in bed, but in reality she-"

"Beck?" Robbie looked up from his book.

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something? You've got to be completely honest with me."

"Of course," Beck turned himself right side up, "Hit me."

Robbie rubbed the back of his neck and took a deep breath, "When you and I…when we…was I any good at sex?"

Beck froze, how was he supposed to answer a question like that? Lie and tell him that he was a fucking failure, or tell the truth and say that his dick was perking up just thinking about the amazing sex that they had had? He decided on the honesty; a very vague version of the truth, "You were great, man. Why do you ask?"

"Well Mona and I are yet to have sex…and I'm afraid I won't be good enough to...fulfill her needs."

'You're the best I've ever had,' Beck was dying to say that aloud. But his better judgment got the best of him. "That's not true."

"Yes it is," Robbie sighed, "Even though I'm not…_attracted_ to her as she is to me, I still want to make her happy. She deserves it."

"Do you want to practice with me?" Beck questioned, louder than he should have.

"I thought I told you that it isn't right for us to be fooling a-"

"It would be strictly for your benefit…er, Mona's," Beck said quickly, "And it would only be a one-time thing. Just so you could be perfect for Mona."

Robbie nodded, "Okay, I guess," He knew that this was just an excuse for Beck to have sex with him but he went along with it. The part of him that liked being Beck's whore was bigger and stronger than the part that knew how wrong on so many levels this was.

Beck placed their books on the coffee table, leaning over and grabbing Robbie's chin, "First you've got to work on your kissing."

"Why? What's wrong with the way that I kiss?" Robbie looked insulted.

There was nothing wrong with the way Robbie kissed, Beck just missed his lips, "Well first off, you're too meek. You've gotta take charge…like this," Beck pulled Robbie by the back of his head and joined their lips together. Whenever their lips met, it was like fireworks. It was like a lifelong atheist seeing God for the first time; it was a teenage girl meeting Justin Bieber. Robbie put his hands in the back pockets of Beck's jeans, squeezing his ass tightly.

Robbie pushed Beck facedown onto the couch. He grabbed over on the side table blindly for the bottle of lube that was conveniently placed there. "How's this for taking control?" He said between pants and unzipping of pants. He had never been inside of Beck, and Beck had never had anyone inside of him. This was something new to the both of him. Robbie did like Beck had before and slipped a digit into Beck's ass, Beck stiffened against it.

"Oh my God," Beck winced as Robbie's finger slowly went in and out.

"Hurts, doesn't it?" Robbie scoffed, kissing Beck's jaw.

He shook his head, and asked Robbie to continue. Robbie did, but this time put another finger in, and then another. Beck's pants became heavier and frequently as he arched himself into Robbie. Robbie prepared his own member as he breathed in Beck's ear, "You ready?"

He nodded as Robbie removed his fingers and aimed his member over Beck's opening. Robbie entered Beck and it hurt much more than Beck would've thought. He let out a yelp, Robbie pushing his head into the cushions. "My mom's in her office, dude." Robbie thrusted and bucked until it became more comfortable for Beck and it eventually felt really good. And when Robbie went just deep enough, Beck thought he was going to lose it, he really did. But he couldn't, not yet. Beck found himself grasping Robbie's hand as he came. Robbie followed shortly after, coming on Beck's plaid shirt. He got himself off of Beck as Beck wiped his shirt.

"Was that any good?" Robbie adjusted his now foggy glasses.

"You could still use a little more practice."

xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

It was six that evening and Beck was in the middle of giving Robbie another "lesson". They were in Robbie's bed, Beck fully under the covers; Robbie from the waist down.

"I still don't understand what you sucking my dick has to do with anything," Robbie scoffed, his arms behind his head. He wasn't complaining though.

"Ayehavtateechatobeagoodluva," Beck was inaudible, his mouth full of cock. His fingernails were digging into Robbie's waist. He rather liked playing teacher.

Robbie was about to say something else when his father walked into the bedroom area, "Hey Robbie, dinner's rea- Oh my God," He put a hand over his eyes.

Robbie pulled the blankets tighter around he and Beck. His dad interrupting definitely didn't stop Beck. He just went deeper and deeper, "Uh hi, Dad," His voice cracked slightly.

His dad slowly removed his hand from his eyes, "I got to tell you Robbie, I'm kinda relieved. I thought you'd never get any," He chuckled, "Hey, Mona."

Oh that was right, Robbie had a girlfriend. He never thought that that would come in handy at a time like this.

Beck continued under the sheets, going even deeper. He massaged Robbie's balls with his spare hand. He made his voice high pitched, "HimistaShapiro."

"I'll leave you two kids alone," Robbie's dad turned to leave, "But Mona; I'd sneak out the window. Mrs. Shapiro can be a regular Barbara Walters," He shut the door behind him.

"That was a close one," Robbie said, right before he came for the third or fourth time that evening (he'd lost track).

Beck submerged, gulping down the cum, "I'll say."

Robbie stroked Beck's cheek, "You're a pretty good teacher, Beck."

**This was incredibly fluffy. This is not supposed to be a fluffy story. Blech. **


	6. Love Hurts

**As per usual, I own nothing. And also as usual, my writing quality is like something out of the toilet. **

**SENIOR YEAR:WINTER **

In November, not long after Thanksgiving, Robbie and Mona had sex for the first time. It turned out that Mona was a virgin. Robbie didn't want to feel like more of a whore than he already did, so he told her he was one too. They were silent throughout, until Mona started making choking noises. Robbie looked down at her and she was whimpering; he felt so big above her.

"Shhh, it's okay," Wiping away her tears, Robbie tried to hold back his own. It was so hard for him to cum and when he did, he felt like a dirty monster. And a little, sick, disgusting part of him part of him felt like he was betraying Beck. But a bigger part of him told that smaller part to shut the fuck up.

He removed herself from her and they held each other, sobbing. Robbie didn't give a damn if he wasn't being "a man", the dam had been due to burst for a while, and this was just the thing to send it overflowing

"I am so sorry," He hugged her so tightly, even though he knew how fragile she was.

**xxx**

Mona broke up with him right before Prom, said that they were getting too distant. And the fact that he was going to Northwestern and she UCLA just added to that. Robbie felt absolutely nothing; no sadness, no anger, nothing. If anything, he felt a bit relieved.

**SENIOR YEAR: SPRING**

They went to Prom with a bunch of their friends, excluding Jade (lucky for Robbie). She refused to participate in "a bunch of rich kids' excuse to get wasted and fuck each other one last time". Robbie wasn't complaining. Though he couldn't be intimate with Beck during the dance for obvious reasons, they were planning on spending the night together.

Before the dance, the gang had gone out to one of the fanciest restaurants in town that didn't card. Along with the flask of whiskey he had in his back pocket; that was enough to get Beck fairly drunk. By the middle of the dance, he found it his business to tell everyone stuff that was none of their business. Cat was grinding up against any male she could find on the dance floor; the rest of them sat at a table on the side of the room, discreetly passing around their flasks of various liquors. As the band got ready to take a break, the lead singer announced "In just a half hour, your Prom Queen and King will be announced. Stick around."

Beck scoffed, "I bet the queen is Robbie."

His friends all stared at him; Robbie's face getting beat red from a mixture of alcohol and embarrassment.

"Oh whoops, I forgot. You guys didn't know that Robbie's a flaming queer," Beck laughed, taking a swig of booze.

"Beck!" Robbie nearly screeched, suddenly furious.

The rest of them were silent.

"What? You don't want everyone know that you like having cock shoved down your throat?"

Tori spoke up, "Robbie is this true?"

"Y-yeah, I'm gay but Beck ha-"If Robbie was going down, he was pulling Beck down with him.

"Backstage at _West Side Story_, I walked in on him giving Sinjin head." Beck nodded.

Why was he suddenly so cruel? Why was he telling all of these fucked up lies?

"That's kind of hot," Trina giggled.

Everybody was shouting things at Robbie; _why didn't you tell us? How long have you known? You didn't really give Sinjin a blowjob, did you?_ The room was spinning, it was all too much. He had to leave.

He got up, throwing his chair to the ground. His friends were silent for a second. He glared at Beck, "Go fuck yourself."

He ran out of the ballroom and out one of the emergency exits of the hotel, he had to get air. This was too much, way too much.

He leaned against the building for a moment, trying to catch his breath. He loosened his bowtie; why the fuck had he let his mom talk him into wearing a bowtie? He was debating whether or not to just get the fuck out of there when Beck came stumbling outside.

"We still on, Rob? 'Cause I'm ready whenever you are," Beck took a gulp from his flask.

"I'm not going anywhere with you," Robbie backed away from Beck. "What you did was uncalled for."

"Aw come on man, it was just for shits and giggles. They had to find out sooner or later."

"Yeah, but not like that," Robbie looked up, shaking.

Beck reached out to touch him, but Robbie pulled away, "Don't."

"Come on, Robbie, don't be like this. I love you."

"Bullshit! Bull-fucking-shit," Robbie hissed, much louder than he intended. "If you loved me, you wouldn't have pulled that shit back there. If you loved me, you wouldn't hide me away. If you loved me, you would have broken up with Jade ages ago!"

Beck was rendered speechless, "It's just really fucking hard, Robbie. I've never felt this way before about anyone."

"You liar," Robbie approached Beck, trembling. "You don't love anyone but yourself." He was so close to Beck that Beck could feel his spit flying at his face.

Beck opened his mouth to say something, but Robbie wasn't having any of it. He walked off, towards his car in the parking lot. "I hope you have a fucking nice life, Beck, because I don't want any part of it," He yelled back towards Beck.

Beck thought he was going to be sick.


	7. If You Love Me, Why'd you Let Me Go?

**This is where things get even more fucked up than before. **

**From now on, before each section in a chapter, there will be a number in parenthesis. This represents the age the guys are in the particular section.**

**I do not own anything. **

**(18)**

Robbie made a point of it to avoid Beck the rest of the summer. He was doing a pretty good job too, until his parents through him a surprise Goodbye party the week before he left for Chicago. Robbie hadn't told them that he had had a falling out with Beck; so naturally they would have invited him.

Towards the end of the night, when everyone was leaving and only a few people remained to say goodbye to Robbie, Beck approached him.

"Hey man," Beck took a swig of wine.

"Hi, Beck," Robbie sighed.

"So how's everything been?"

"Fine," Why couldn't Beck just go? Why did he show up in the first place?

"That's good."

"Yeah…so you're going to U of Colorado, right?"

"Yeah, I think so," Beck nodded.

"Of course you would end up in Boulder," Robbie said, only half kidding, but Beck found it funny. He couldn't seem to stop laughing.

"It's funny because it's true, I belong there," Beck took another sip of alcohol.

Robbie rubbed the back of his neck, "So what do you want, Beck?"

Beck opened his mouth to speak but stopped and then started again, "I just came to say goodbye, Robbie. Can I not even do that?"

"No, no, it's fine. Sorry," Robbie was quiet.

Beck pulled him into a tight hug, holding him for longer than was probably appropriate, "I'm going to miss you so much, man." He whispered into Robbie's ear.

Robbie backed up, "I-I've gotta go to the bathroom. Bye!" He dashed up to his room, locking the door behind him. He half expected (and hoped) that Beck would come after him, but he didn't.

**(18) **

College life was so much more overwhelming than Robbie had ever thought it would be. For some reason, in the spring he had signed up for the most difficult classes that Northwestern had to offer. His roommate was some party animal who only got in because his parents were made out of money. But he had a handful of friends that weren't half bad. They didn't give a shit that he was gay; he finally felt like he was himself. Every Friday, they'd go into the city and do something, whether it be clubbing, or seeing a band, or shopping.

One Friday in early December, they went to a comedy club's open mic night. Robbie had had a few drinks, and his Chicago friends dared him to go tell some jokes. So he did, and he wasn't half bad. In fact, he was pretty damn funny. The manager of the club came up to him and offered him a spot the next week for a little cash. Finally, Robbie Shapiro had found something that he didn't totally suck at.

**(19) **

While Beck was in Colorado, Jade remained in LA, opting out of college. They maintained a long distance relationship, visiting each other every other month or so. He wasn't as into it as he once was.

They had Skype sex the night that Jade got her first big role. Beck didn't even know it was possible to have sex over Skype, but they did. And for once, he was the one who faked the orgasm.


	8. Caring is Creepy

**Need I remind you that I don't own Victorious?**

**I find it puzzling how I always come back to this story, even though I know that it's awful. If you have any criticism or anything at all to tell me, that'd be great. **

**(20)**

Robbie dropped out of college before his sophomore year began. Even though he was smart enough to get into Northwestern and had always gotten decent grades, school was never his thing. He'd always been relatively funny without even trying and now he was getting paid for it. He had gotten a pretty good gig doing stand-up regularly and occasional emceeing at the Ha Ha Ha? Comedy Club. He lived with some other aspiring comedians in a shitty but good enough loft; these were his friends now.

Robbie hadn't talked to Beck or anyone else from Hollywood Arts in nearly a year, and he was perfectly fine with that. His life was so much better without all of them.

But one day when he was in the supermarket getting toothpaste he saw _her. _It wasn't _actually _her, but it was her face on the cover of a magazine. She gave him a condescending, icy smile-the kind she was famous for-while he waited in the ten items or less lane.

She seemed to be saying something along the lines of _Yeah, who's fucking him now? Not you. _**Taunting** him. All of his complete hatred for her came flooding back as he picked up the magazine and tore the cover of it off, ripping it into itty bitty pieces. He felt relieved seeing her rightfully destroyed.

The high school check-out girl smacking her gum snapped him back to reality, "You gonna pay for that?"

**(21)**

Beck couldn't remember one time in their relationship that he and Jade were faithful to each other. He used this fucked up logic to justify why he was letting some boy that looked like a young Paul McCartney pound into him in the bathroom of a gay bar. That and his love for The Beatles.

He didn't even feel guilty anymore; for all he knew Jade was off sucking Jude Law's dick at that very moment. Or whoever her current co-star was. He didn't pay any attention to where she went. He had stopped caring after he'd fucked things up with Robbie.

Beck was back in L.A, he had been for the past year. When he was in Boulder, he'd been too distracted by all the new people there were for him to fuck to give a shit about his grades. His parents had been pretty upset when he'd flunked out and refused to let him move back into the RV, so he just moved into Jade's apartment. She wasn't ever around anyways; she was always off filming some new indie movie, so he was free to have his conquests over. The prospect of getting caught didn't mean shit to him anymore; after all, Beck didn't care.


	9. The Point of No Return

** Victorious is all mine because my name is Dan Schneider. Jay kay. **

**(22) **

Beck would never admit it to anyone, but sometimes he called Robbie's new cell number in Chicago just so he could hear his voice. He had gotten it from Robbie's parents a while back; they thought that he and Robbie were still friends. He never said anything to Robbie when he called, he just listened to Robbie say "Hello?" over and over again until he got annoyed and hung up.

But one night when he'd had a bit more than usual to drink he forgot to block his number before he dialed the number he knew by heart. He didn't realize this until it was too late.

"Beck?" Robbie sounded wide awake, despite it being past four a.m. in Chicago.

_Who's Beck? _Beck heard a male voice ask in the background.

Beck should have hung up when he had the chance, but he didn't.

"H-Hey Rob," Beck had never felt so nervous in his life.

"I'm going to go take care of this, be back in a bit, okay?" Robbie's voice was muffled, he was covering the receiver.

_Okay, babe. _Robbie's friend giggled.

"You still there?" Robbie asked. It was quieter now. He'd obviously gone into another room.

"Yeah, yeah," Beck played with his hair. He asked a question he wasn't sure he wanted to be answered, "Who was that guy with you?"

There was silence. Then Robbie sighed, "That's my boyfriend, Beck."

"Oh yeah, of course," Beck had been about 99% sure that was the case, but he had hoped it wasn't. "Fuck, I'm stupid."

"No you're not, Beck," Robbie said sympathetically but Beck could tell he was annoyed.

"I saw your Comedy Central special; you're pretty damn funny Shapiro."

"Really? It wasn't horrible?"

"You're going places, Robbie," Beck paused. "And I kind of wish that I could go with you," Beck hung up before Robbie could respond. What the fuck did he just say?

**(23)**

Robbie got accepted into Second City. It had always been his dream; and now he'd achieved it. He and his _boyfriend_ Dylan had lots of celebration sex. It'd been a year, but he still felt weird calling Dylan his boyfriend. Dylan looked like a model. But he was a bartender, not a model.

Dylan had been blowing Robbie for what felt like the fiftieth time (though Robbie wasn't complaining). Robbie had just reached the point of no return, grasping on to Dylan's blonde hair, "Oh _Beeeeck_!"

_Shit. _


	10. Words

**It's been a hell of a long time, I know. I apologize. It's just I have this thing called a life now; you guys should try it out. It's pretty great!**

**If I owned Avan Jogia, I would be in jail because slavery is illegal.**

**Enjoy; or try not to pull your eyes out.**

**(24)**

"We've got a great show for you tonight…Kanye West is here! So stick around and-" Jade pressed a button and Robbie faded once more from Beck's life.

"Hey, I was watching that!" Beck fumbled for the remote tangled in the covers, but Jade grabbed it first and dangled it just out of his reach.

"You can watch it later," She slipped off her dress, grinning at Beck.

"But Robbie's hosting _Saturday Night _Fucking _Live_ and I want to watch it live!" He whined.

"Jesus Christ, Beck, you haven't seen Robbie in what? Six years?" Jade rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around Beck's neck. "You're not friends anymore, get over it," She kissed a trail up his neck.

"Don't you see? I can't," He pushed her away. "He was the best friend that I've ever had and I fucked things up and I'll never be able to forgive myself and-"

Jade tuned him out. She barely saw Beck anymore but when she did, he wouldn't shut up about Robbie _fucking _Shapiro. He obviously hadn't come out and said anything, but Jade wasn't stupid, she _knew. _She should've known, she should have broken up with him _ages _ago, but she couldn't do it. There were other guys, of course, but they were temporary, and Beck was forever. And lately more than ever she realized how horribly things were going and if she didn't do something drastic, it'd all be over like that.

So Jade West took a deep breath and closed her eyes. The words slipped out from her mouth like a curse word, "I'm pregnant."


End file.
